I Can't Catch a Break

I am continually impressed with my ability to make really poor choices in my life. For example, a poor choice would be drinking a litre of wine and 3 pitchers of beer like I did last night. (Not alone in case you were wondering.)

My decision to drink like a sailor leads to painstaking hangovers which induces self pity and laziness...but this morning of all mornings I was one bitch that couldn't be lazy. At 9 am I woke up and finished moving (with the help of a friend thank Christ) then I had to drive my fat ass back to Pickering with the last of my belongings. I probably shouldn't have been operating heavy machinery ie; my car, but I always enjoy driving as it's the only place I can scream sing comfortably.

I refused to stay in my hometown for the weekend so me and my pounding head and bad breath hopped on the train back to the city. After what seemed like a century I had to hop on the subway. Oh joy. We all know how I enjoy the fucking subway. My favourite part of today's subway ride was when there was a power outage and we were underground for oh ummmmm 20 very long minutes. During which time I was hoping those Jehovah's have a point and the world really is coming to an end. I would have been JUST fine with that in that moment.

(Please note that since 9am I have had a raging case of cotton mouth that became progressively worse the day has gone on.)

After coming to terms that the subway was not going to be my final resting place, I got off and went straight to the food court to get a fountain pop. A diet coke on the rocks always does the job. So as I was standing in line, I noticed an old woman struggling with her tray and her bags as she walked to her table. So me, being the good samaritan I am, left my place in line and carried her tray to her table. AS I WAS SETTING DOWN THE TRAY, HER GIANT CUP OF ICED TEA FELL OFF AND INTO HER PURSE. THIS IS ME SCREAM TALKING.

I felt sooooo bad that this elderly woman could very well be in her final days, and one of her last memories/burdens of life is ordering a new cheque book as I just soaked it in iced tea. On impact, I just burst into tears. The iced tea was absolutely everywhere. Her purse and the contents in it were soaked. She handled it much better than I did. She was sweet enough to tell me not to worry about it but I insisted on cleaning everything up.

Seriously. I can't catch a break people.

Finally I got back up to the apartment to sit down to write this while it was still as fresh and as horrifying as my breath...and you know what? If I never leave the apartment again, it would be too soon.

God, if you are reading this, I know I was a slut in University but I think its about time you cut me some slack.