Awww...You pissed yourself. That's so cute.

There are many people that partake in voyeurism -most of them are in jail or on probation but what I am about discuss is "low level" voyeurism. People watching. One of my favourite things to do is to watch people. Particularly children-now I am sounding creepy, but I mean it in the most innocent way. No need for hidden Dateline cameras.

Going back to children- they are the most fascinating little creatures and I am so envious. Why? For instance, this morning there was this kid in front of me at the train station, probably about 4 years old and all of a sudden he turns around to me and puts his arms and his head inside his shirt. I was jealous. Man, I wish that I could do that on the subway and not be put in shackles and a white jump suit. (If you haven't noticed from previous posts, I have a huge problem with public transportation and the people that are on it.) Anyway, to me, if I could put my hands and my head in my shirt on the subway it's kinda like putting up a little "fuck off" sign. Genius. I certainly wouldn't talk to someone who appeared headless and crazy.

While I am on the topic of kids, I didn't witness this event today but it's a very common occurrence for children-peeing your pants. My heart just breaks when I see a kid that has just pissed their pants in public. When in my adulthood, will it ever be socially acceptable for me to pee my pants in public and my friend's turn to me and say (with a sympathetic head tilt) "Oh honey it's okay, just next time try and get to the washroom." Yeah fucking right. I peed once on the floor during a ski trip in University and my friends have not let me live this down. I'll have you know there were funny cigarettes floating around and I suffered a significant loss at beer pong. Cut me some slack bitches.

Another thing that kids do is projectile vomit in public. It's all good. I mean, it's not cute...but its manageable. However, when I do it, no one thinks it's cute. For example, a couple months ago on my birthday, I thought the window was open in my cab because I felt wind in my hair (it was the A/C blowing) so I turned to lean out the window and smashed my head off of it and simultaneously vomited. My cab driver didn't think it was cute. I ended up walking home covered in barf. A kid could get away with it though. (Leave your "you should know better" comments to yourself.)


I guess the point I am trying to make is that I really wish that peeing and barfing, even in the boardroom wouldn't make me a social deviant.

***My maturity level and my ability to be rational are definitely the reason behind me being single.***