The Walk

Okay so today I went out for a little while...it was nice...until I started my journey home.
Now for most of you who have travelled on the TTC ,know that it is a cesspool of germs and creepy smelly people. The great thing about my life, is that the creepy smelly people seem to take a liking to me. Just who I am looking for to bring home to Mom and Dad.

As I sat on the subway this afternoon, a homeless man was blantantly and creepily peering at me from the seat opposite to me. Awesome.

I thought that I would be able to ditch this guy when I got off at my stop. False. Looks like his dumpster is located in my neighbourhood. He proceeded to follow me off the subway and right on to the street...I know this since I have superior side glancing abilities. Then he decided he would like to strike up a conversation...Which at this point I could hear him muttering something about a dumpster....ummmm that's when my pace picked up as well as the volume on my mp3. I am not sure if he was giving me his address or telling me that's where he will dump my body. I felt like turning around and saying "Listen, let's cut to the chase. I don't have any money, here's my wallet..check it out. And if I did have money I would spend it on carbs and fat burners so seriously, you're following the wrong girl."
I eventually took a side street and ditched my lover and it turned out to be a BETTER IDEA because of the following:

1.) As I was walking by the apartments in my neighbourhood, I was nearly struck by a black Lexus speeding out of an underground parking garage going at about oh I would say 100 km. Perhaps instead of the "Tenant only parking" sign, they should replace it with sign which cautions PEDESTRIANS. I am thinking this may work. "Caution. Douchebags may exit garage at high speeds. Good luck." I would love to work for the city and create signs for subways and parking lots.

2.) Just as I recovered from my mild coronary, A guy I kissed last summer in a local bar was out in the neighbourhood walking his dog. I know you may be thinking that's trashy and I am too old for that shit but it was the litre of vodka that made me do it.Plus I guarentee you, 99% of you reading this have made out with a guy/girl in a bar. It was super awkward since we were supposed to go out and then we never talked again. So yet again I was found running/walking with my head staring straight at the pavement trying to dodge this guy. I am pretty sure he saw me doing my weird running/walking down the sidewalk so I think I actually attracted his attention by acting so f'ing ridiculous. Honestly, I feel like I am 5. The number of streets in my neighbourhood that I can walk down without panicking are now becoming limited because of my wierdness.

I'm really glad I left the house.

Smooches,
Nanners