I woke on Saturday morning wanting throw in the towel to my week long gym regime. I paced my room, stood on the balcony to determine if it was too cold to go outside because I don't have a hat, thought about stubbing my toe that way it would be too fat to fit in my shoe, looked at how greasy my hair was and thought that it would just be an embarassment if I ran into a local that I made out with. This is how bad I did not want to go.
Then I lifted up my shirt in the mirror and put those running shoes on. So as me and my favourite granny panties (yes I wear granny panties to the gym as I was nearly split in half the last few times I wore thongs) I argued with myself (internally) and walked right past the gym.
THEN...I saw the light...no not heaven...the lights from the Estate Jewelery store in my neighbourhood. I was drawn to it all of a sudden. (Right now I realize that I have lost any chance with any male reading this because I am the girl that they run away from.) So I went and peered through the bars on the window and I heard a buzzing...that meant that they were letting me in despite my god awful appearance. So after going through three subsequent buzzings I was finally in state of euphoria.
Holy mother of Jesus I was surrounded by bling so I did the unthinkable to most people and sat down and tried on hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of diamonds. It may or may not have come out of my mouth that I was "getting ideas for my boyfriend for Christmas." This was false. If I had a boyfriend, I think that he may prefer it if I stuck to the gym and not the diamonds...that can get pretty scary for a guy. It's too bad diamonds come with so much symbolism and a heafty price tag.
After about 30 minutes of feeling like a complete jackass but thinking that the experience was worth every carat,I finally hiked up my granny panties and headed off to the gym in hopes that I would meet the man of my dreams that would love to shower my with diamonds and be happy seeing me in my granny panties. (These are only for the gym only so keep your comments to yourself...you know who you are.)
Smooches,
Nanners
No comments:
Post a Comment