Elevator Etiquette

As I left my friend's 33rd floor condo on Sunday morning, I just knew that the elevator would hit every floor on the way down. Of course this became a fact.
I got in and there were already 4 other people in there...I immediately wondered where they were going but that soon left my head as I caught a glimpse of myself in the elevator mirror and as a result vomited in my mouth.
I stood in the corner avoiding the mirror as well as the four other strangers by staring at the floor numbers at the top of the elevator. The way I see it is you have 3 options when in an elevator which can be oddly uncomfortable because I hate silences.
You can :
a) stare at the numbers with everyone else;
b) stare at the back of the head of the person who decided that squeezing in was a good idea;
c) play with your phone and pretend you are typing a very important text, even though you have no reception.

Anyway, I digress, so after stopping on the 30th floor my elevator of awkwardness stops at lucky #28.
I say lucky because I have never been as lucky as I was that Sunday morning, when the elevator doors opened and a gentleman eating a GIGANTIC EGG SALAD SANDWICH hopped in. Are you f'ing kidding me? Everyone in their right mind, knows that egg is a little off smelling...I do enjoy a good egg salad sandwich on the odd occasion but I would never dream of eating it in an elevator FULL of people. At least keep it wrapped jackass until you get out of the elevator. Eat it on the street and let the wind waft egg up people's nasal cavity but don't eat it in an enclosed area.
As I watched him from behind, I also bore witness to the tiny bits of egg that fell on the floor due to his abnormally large bites he was taking.
It felt like an eternity of egg smelling, baby vomiting in my mouth, people avoiding, number watching, elevator riding, pure awkwardness.
I was spitting angry.