Giant Man-Child- Need Not Apply

An hour ago a friend messaged me to help her with her online dating profile. Honesty is the best policy. Below is what I came up with.

Okay. Let’s cut the shit. There is a good chance you looked at my picture and probably thought about fucking me. And I’ll be honest, if you supply the weed and wine-it’s a possibility.



Let’s get this out of the way now. I have a former fiancé who fucked me over before walking down the aisle. I took the high road and didn’t use my “crazy pass,” when that asshole broke my heart so I can find the crazy from within if you fuck with me. Don’t cheat on me-I won’t cheat on you. Simple as that.


If you act like you are 16 but suffer from gigantism (physically big but emotionally small) then I’d like you to be up front with me. In other words, I don’t want to be fooled by a man-child and their dramatic outbursts. I’ve been there and bought the t-shirt and I am selling his tool set on e-bay.


I think this profile is likely the most straight forward that you will read so if you like what you read-message me. Message me at an uncreepy time...like before 1am. And don’t say weird shit. I will delete you without a reason. Perhaps even block you.


Also, if you do pass go, please don’t try and befriend me on facebook after our first chit chat. That’s far too personal and there is a good chance that I will post something about our first date to either belittle you or gush about you.


I like to travel.


Peace.

If we could only be that honest.