The Gym

So I was at the gym this morning as part of a "feel good" routine that my shrink says will really help to relieve anxiety...and apparently you lose weight too if you move fast enough...blah, blah, blah...
As I climbed the stairs I thought that if my heart rate is already this high...is working out really necessary? I battled with myself (internally of course) and stepped on to the treadmill. Of course I found the treadmill that was under a spot where the lightbulbs had completely burnt out and you wanna know why I chose this location?
a) wasn't wearing any make-up
b) the intense lighting of a gym could not highlight my areas of cellulite...yes I am a real woman...I have cellulite (Which I have now chosen to embrace with a plethora of anti-cellulite miracle creams)
c) happened to be the furthest treadmill away from all the skinny people because they like to see what they are doing apparently...but you know what? They can manage to run on the treadmill without people thinking they are having a coronary so they can just run their skinny little asses into the abyss or the celery growing farm...whatever.

Now there is one thing that really really irks me...I mean really rubs me the wrong way about
the gym...and this happened to me this morning which is what inspired me to write this...

I had finally gotten into a zone, I was jammin' to P Diddy (Puff Daddy, Daddy, Diddy P, Symbol..whatever you want to call him) and I decided you know what Nanners?.....You are going to going to try something completely new today and it's called "pushing yourself." So I was doing fine...goin' up hills, down hills, stopping for 15 minutes for some water...up the hill again, limping, down the hill, wishing I had a respirator...yadda yadda yadda....

SO...Along comes Big Momma....she was about twice my size and she hops on the machine right beside me. So she's sauntering along and I am secretly thinking "ha ha...I am waaaay faster than you and I have the added bonus of being smaller."

THEN....as my horrible thoughts about the woman beside me subsided...the bitch takes off running...actually sprinting I will have you know...kinda like the sprinting we will see in the upcoming Olympics. She must have been at McDonald's during the qualifying rounds.

I side glanced the bitch to see if I could catch what speed she was at but I wasn't able to see and I have a tendency to move in the direction that my eyes move so it poses a problem when running.

I couldn't fucking believe it...here I am jiggling away thinking that my ass and my hips are going to look so good and then Baby Buluga comes out of no where and out does me? Hell no.
I have now decided to work out beside skinny people. You wanna know why?
At least the skinny people will look at me and be like " Awwwww.That's so cute that she's trying."