Confessions of a garbage picker

To all of you who know me, you are aware that I spent 3 blissful summers picking up garbage at the overpriced Toronto Zoo.

I swore I would just keep this as an entry to my diary, as it is too erotic and steamy for most to handle. The following is based on a true story.

It was one steamy summer day, the smog was just thick enough so I couldn't see while driving. It was 6am and I had just arrived to work with my unwashed garbage stained khakis hanging off my sweaty uncomfortable body. I went into the woman's locker room (although at night I dreamt of going into the men's) I began to change in the most akward of ways so that no one could see my voluptuous body. My head and hands ravelled above my head in a human knot so that none of the other ladies could see my stomache. As I sat on the bench and slowly slipped on my steel toed boots I became aroused by the smell coming from everyone's lockers...Ape shit and hand cream, camel poo and Herbal Essance shampoo, fertilizer and body odour...Nothing stimulates the nasal cavity quite like these smells.

Eventually I saunter outside after trying to peek into the men's change room and to my surprise the Maintenance men had started early...their muscles glowing with beads of sweat as they each lift their arms to wave hello to me. I quickly debate whether or not to quickly raise my shirt but then realize that the window to the HR department is close by. The sweat on my brow thickens and my cheeks begin to flush.

As I walked into the garage full of men, tractors, flees and compost...A wave of calmness came over me, I knew it felt like home to me. After wasting about one full hour chatting up the garbage men and chain smoking I knew I should be on my way into the lustruous green bushes to do nothing...I mean pick up garbage. With each step on the pavement I wondered why God is making my inner thighs rub together on a daily basis and why he simutaneously gave me hyperhydrosis (the problem of sweating more than the average person.) But that didn't matter...I knew that I would have a day packed full of hiding in secret places so people would think that I was working, erotically dreaming of what it would be like to make out with a zoo keeper in a steaming pile of dung and chain smoking.

It was this one fateful day that I decided to venture toward an area that didn't seem to have as much garbage as the others...the Rhinoceros pavillion. As I gracefully limped due to the fact that my work boots were too big...I ended up at my destination were my life would change forever. The Rhinoceros pavillion.

In the distance while pretending I was working, I noticed the zoo keeper giving a Rhino a bath. I thought how nice it would be if I could have a bath but before I knew it, my sex eyes I had been flashing the zoo keeper paid off.

It was not long before I was behind the scenes feeding the Rhino carrots like it was our first date. I coyly accepted the invitation to pet the Rhino. As I stroked the Rhinos tough exterior I began to get a funny feeling inside as the Rhino began to moan and breathe deeply...To my amazement, I had given Mr. Rhino a boner. Yes, you read this correctly. I gave the Rhino an erection.

I was like a proud Momma that day, knowing that my talents are not limited to just mankind, but giant Rhinoceros. I was simply radiant the remainder of the day as I knew my purpose on earth was met.

Rick, my fellow garbage picker, that one was for you.