My love/hate relationship

So before I actually write about what is going on in my life as of recent, I must tell you that yesterday was the first time in a while that I have left my apartment and upon me entering the world... I was shit on by a bird. I actually thought someone threw a milkshake on my hand, coat and brand new pants. Birds are bastards but not quite as bastardly as some of the men I have recently met online.

As you may have guessed which avenue I am going down, it's the online dating one. All of my girlfriends who I have shared this information with think it's just fabulous. Nope. I hate it. However, that being said I have taken down and re-posted my profile twice this week out of sheer boredom/disgust/curiosity/my eggs are rotting/where am I going to meet someone normal to counteract all my abnormalities.

If you know me well, you know that I immediately fall into the friend zone with the male species. (Unless you count all 4 years of University when I was in my "prime" so to speak where each weekend started with a mouthful of coolers and ended with a "what is your name and why won't you leave?"

Recognizing that you are in the friend zone is quite painful. If I am unclear about what I mean about being in the friend zone let me give you a few examples:
1. He says "Nah, you can say that stuff around here...she's one of the guys."
2. He has no problems blatantly staring at another girls tits in front of you and remarking about how hot she is.
3. He tries to jersey you, but not in a playful flirtacious manner, he has simply forgot that you are a woman.
4. He slaps you on the back or high fives you instead of sticking his tongue down your throat.

Anyway, before I go any further, I need to apologize to my mom for this posting ie; for reminising about my promiscuity in University online...okay so falling into the friend zone makes it very difficult to find someone, so I thought "you know what Nanners...you are going to take some more chances" Now to give you a scope of what "taking chances" has entailed for the past little while,it has varied in degrees from getting out of bed in the morning to pondering if I should order chicken on my pizza. So online dating is a huge deal for me. Part of me failed to recognize that my fellow suitors may want to meet me in person so for now I am just electronically flirting in cyber space with pictures of people who may look exactly the opposite of their picture.

For those of you who have never hopped on a dating site, I urge you to do so now while the cesspool of weirdos is hot. You couldn't even begin to imagine the range of people I have encountered. Some people were fortunate enough to hit the genetic jackpot and others...ummmmm not so much.

The perk of online dating is that you can see who has looked at you...somedays I feel really flattered about the bachelors who have looked at me...almost good enough to shower, but for the most part I am fending off private message sessions with creepy old man douche bags that don't understand that I don't want to give them my number.

Well, I should go. I just googled "tingling sensation in left arm" and I may very well be having a heart attack. If I do manage to survive, I will keep you posted on my creepy online love affairs.