Creepy Caller

As a single girl in the city, I enjoy getting men calling my cell phone. Now most of you who have my number will know that it is primarily off in recent months as I am scared of bill collectors, calls that someone has died, Blockbuster telling me that I now own Driving Miss Daisy and I am scared to hit answer when I really meant to hit ignore. No need to have an awkward conversation.

So getting messages can be kinda fun for me. I check them a couple times a day since we all know how busy I am. Well guaranteed, twice a year, I get a creepy message from my old boss.

I will provide you with a brief history as you may not know my extensive corporate work experience (yeah right.) I used to work as a skip tracer at a collections agency-essentially, I was an electronic bounty hunter to locate debtors and assholes all throughout Canada. So every day I would go in and put on my Maddona-esque headset and be ready to hit the call button. I worked in a team of two other people and then there was my boss.

I don't want to brag but I did make the most calls a day and did find the most people in Canada who just decided that paying bills wasn't their thing. So my boss seemed to take a liking to me.
Not only a liking to my work, but a liking to the "symmetry of my face" as he would say in front of my other co-workers. Symmetry of my face? He would follow that statement up by saying "Men are attracted to symmetry by nature and you have a very beautiful symmetrical face." ( I always thought to myself when he said that "wait till I take off my shirt, you won't think I am so symmetrical then, one boob is definitely much bigger than the other. Why don't you just stare at your balls in the mirror...they are somewhat circular aren't they?) Of course I would never have the nerve to say anything of the sort so I just sat there.
So I was wildly uncomfortable when he would look to my other female co-workers for their agreement. They would peer over their cubicles and say "Yeah uh... I guess her face is circular." So fucking awkward. Who says that?
1. Who says that period unless you are walking by a cracked out Janice Dickinson on the street and she yells " hey fatty, you have a very symmetrical face."
2. As a manager, who points out another co-workers attractiveness in front of other co workers? (Maybe at the company Christmas party but not in the middle of the open office.)
3. This is the kicker, we would actually have meetings to talk about how my other two colleagues should be more like me.That would be the basis of the meeting. If you think I am kidding, I swear on my mother's life. Not why they can't look like me, but why they can't hit my target. Neither of my co-workers would look at me during the meeting.

Eventually, I had to pull each one of them aside as their attitudes towards me began to change. I can't help it if I am circular. They should see me now...everything is circular...nothing to be proud of. Finding clothes for circular people ain't so fun.

I also had to have the awkward convo with Mr. Boss man to tell him to stop singling me out. And by the way, please stop calling me over to your desk to show me the picture of you as your screen saver when you were a body builder. I think it's gross that the vein in your wrist is bigger than your penis. And you hairstyle went out with high tops.

Anyway, got to love those creepy callers.

So, naturally as expected he calls me twice a year and leaves me messages as some sort of game to see if I still have his number. His creepy voicemail he left this Friday sounds something like this:
"Hey Amanda, It's Chris, I hope you remember me. I was the best boss. If you really like me then you would call me back."

Actually, right after the first time I realized you had my number (for emergency purposes only) I deleted your number. And immediately told my friend's father who ran the company, that he hit on me all the time. He didn't have a clue who he was.

That concludes my rant for the evening, I am back to watching CSI Miami (Which I hate) I am just waiting for the episode where Horatio dies, I could have swore I saw a commercial with blood coming out of his mouth.