Oct 31, 2008

My Locker

Recently, I have been going to the gym again. I have carefully chosen locker #350 to be locker of choice which is a constant reminder of what my weight will be if I have another slice of bread.

I am a woman of few words today.
Smooches,
Nanners

Oct 30, 2008

You heard me....

So last night, I was watching an episode of Blind date. Setting aside the predictable and inevitable hot tub scene, I was really impressed with the way this woman was standing up for herself....a quality that I have not yet perfected.

I started thinking back to the instances where I have stood up for myself and they all have seemingly backfired. Let's review shall we.

1.) Last year on Thanksgiving weekend I was in McDonalds alone having my own pitty party when I witnessed a grown woman screaming at a bum who was quietly eating his meal at a table. She was yelling "You smell so bad that I don't want my kids around you, we have all lost our appetites, get a job, you are useless..blah blah blah." The homeless man just sat there and read the newspaper and ate his fries while she got all up in his grill. Not only did she get up in his grill in front of everyone in the restaurant, but she did it in front of her children. I could not believe what I was witnessing...I went up to the counter and I asked for the manager and I said "There is a vulgar rude bitch, screaming at a homeless man for no reason, can you please ask her to leave, it's very upsetting." The teenager standing next to me turns to me and says "That's my mom." I looked at her and replied "Your mom's a bitch." She was speechless. I was so proud of myself and I just walked away. I was shaking of course in fear that this little teeny bopper could possibly bust out a glock at any minute...but at the time, I felt it was necessary.

The manager came out and escorted the mother and the children out of the restaurant and told them not to come back. Technically I was not standing up for myself, but nonetheless I stood up for someone else and it felt good.

So I sat at a table by myself and ate my fries absolutely horrified at what I just witnessed. I kept staring at the homeless man until eventually I walked over and gave him $10 bucks and said "Happy Thanksgiving sir." Then I walked home on Eglinton scream crying because I felt so bad for the man.

THEN 2 days ago, I was walking up Yonge and I see the exact same homeless man and he asked me for change and I actually didn't have any and he called me a bitch under his breath. Are you kidding me? I gave you $10 last Thanksgiving so you could buy booze and drugs and that's how you repay me?

2) I am in the parking lot of the mall with my mom and we were CLEARLY going into a parking spot when some jack off decided it was his...so the bastard started to turn at the same time. My mom slammed on the breaks and I rolled down the window and yelled "HEY COCKSUCKER, THAT WAS OUR FUCKING SPOT!" I have no idea what got into me and I completely forgot that I was with my mother who was having a mild coronary in the drivers seat in regards to the language that just flew out of my mouth. We entered the mall in silence...we didn't say a word until we sat down in the food court and she quietly says "He could've had a gun you know?"

It felt so good to scream that though...I don't regret it at all.

I would like to have more episodes which reflect having a back bone...although I could work on my choice of words and my habit of giving homeless people money.

Oct 28, 2008

You know you are bored when....




Well the 11 o'clock edition of Cold Case was over, so I thought I would hop on facebook and do a little stalking and take some of the 300 quiz requests that I have received in recent months. So I am ignoring pretty much every request (keep in mind don't send me any requests for "Which plant are you?"or "What fish would you be?" from this day forward...I don't give a shit what plant I would hypothetically be.) Then I stumbled upon "What Celebrity Are You?" I thought it sounded pretty innocent and fun until I discovered who I was...I have copied and pasted the results below...even exactly how it was spelt. Please see below.


Woopie Goldberg
Good for you!! you are very romantic and funny but know when to be serious. you will ecomlish many things except getting a date! you also have some friends but.. noy many.


So in a nutshell, I am a black middle aged woman without eyebrows who has strikingly "manish" qualities, and is funny and romantic but no one would ever know that because I will never get a date and I have no friends. Awesome. Just what I wanted to hear. That totally lifted my spirits.


Yes, Ms. Goldberg is somewhat amusing but romantic? What? I would never look at her and think "You know, she really strikes me as a really romantic person."


What is the deal with these quizzes on fb anyway? I admit, I took about 30 of them already and I am not impressed with the results...basically because facebook has deemed me as a loser.


Just for the record, I have lots of friends. I have also had many offers for dates...they may be from men who live on the street, men who are old enough to be my great grandfather and men who hit on me with their eyes closed because they are steamin' drunk...but still an offer is an offer...I have just chosen to take the high road and decline...not because I am better than them...it's because I am busy. Very busy.

Great. The Holidays are coming...

No not Halloween. Christmas. A time for singles to be reminded that yes they are in fact single. (Just in case you woke up that morning and forgot)

During a typical holiday gathering, I can be caught weaving in and out amongst the plethora of quasi sober relatives who all have the same question on their mind. Is Amanda a lesbian? I haven't seen her bring anyone to the family gathering.

Eventually I am cornered by a drunk cousin who says "I have the perfect person for you." As my eyes quickly do a once over of the Northern Reflections sweater and the booze breathe breathing in my face, I awkwardly decline their invitation by saying "Oh really. I am not really ready for a relationship." Then I quickly look in every direction for the closest dessert platter floating around so I may begin my emotional eating.

This year, I have decided that the kids table is probably more suited to my needs. Their biggest concern is if they will get to play X-box after dinner so they are eating at a rapid pace. In addition to this I can pretty much guarentee that the topic of conversation will not head in the direction of politics or love for that matter. I am game. Although we may need a bigger chair for my slightly larger ass.

Technically, I have so many family members that attend these things that I don't think that I will be missed if I didn't show up. Perhaps I could get away with issuing a family bulletin? I'll put it on festive paper and fax it over to my Aunt. This is what it will read.

"Happy Holidays everyone! Sorry, I couldn't be there. I am actually in Cambodia hand picking Brad and Angelina's next child. Yes I am still single and very very very happy. In fact, the happiest I have ever been.And my god, I am getting so skinny. So please stop questioning my sexuality. Merry Christmas."

Anyway, the likelihood of me getting out of the family festivities is the about the same likelihood of me eating cabbage as a snack. So it looks like I will be attending. But to any of you out there who know of a guy with a job, some morals, over 5'10 and a pulse, please feel free to give him my information.

Smooches,
Nanners

Oct 27, 2008

Um...Wish I didn't watch that

I just witnessed (well via the television) an exorcism.
I started watching the Paranormal State on A&E because I have a huge crush on Ryan, the head of the Penn State Paranormal Research Society. I know most of you are rolling your eyes and thinking it's garbage but when you have Rogers on Demand and no social life it can become addictive to order episodes...about 13 of them in one day....yup that's right.

Tonight's episode was literally the scariest one I have seen...normally I am daydreaming about how I would like the shows host to have his way with me but tonight I was captivated....a lot of times I think these people are a bunch of nuts just trying to get attention but I really have bought into it. So much so that I have decided to sleep with my light on, go to church on Sunday and order holy water and crosses off of Ebay.

Speaking of Exorcisms have you seen the movie The Exorcism of Emily Rose? Yikes...that was one fucked up movie...when I found out it was based on a true story I had to change into a clean pair of pants....It terrified the shit out of me. I don't know why I watch stuff like this. As if I don't already lie awake at night worrying enough.

As a side note, when my father first immigrated to Canada and he was a handsome Scottish bachelor living alone in an apartment, he rented the movie The Exorcist and it scared the shit out of him as well. So that night after turning off the movie,kicking the hooker out and settling in bed...the bathtub from the apartment above him fell through the ceiling and into his apartment. This is fact, not fiction. Till this day my father has never seen the movie again and hates the mention of it.

I don't care who you are, when you watch a creepy movie, you can't tell me that when it comes time for bed that night that you are a tad more suspect to any noise you hear. For example, right now, I am staring at my computer screen as I type but also side glancing my mirror waiting for something catastrophic to happen.

Well, thank god I have a nightstand full of pharmaceuticals that can make me forget I even watched the Paranormal State tonight.

Sweet Dreams,
Nanners

Oct 26, 2008

The Quasi-Boring Race

If you watch any reality show, you will know that it is totally the loose cannons that make the show. Currently, on the 15th million season of The Amazing Race, I am a little dissapointed.
However, in saying that, the remaining teams are borderline boring/somewhat quirky enough to watch and they at least provide me with enough material for their bio's
If you are a viewer, let's recap in regards the remaining contestants shall we?

Ken and Tina-The jock and the milf who are currently separated, probably because he is an ex pro football player and Tina realized he has been sticking his dick into cheerleaders for years...look closely and you can see his balls turning blue from the grip she's got on him now. I am no relationship expert but I don't know if going on the Amazing Race is the greatest idea to help repair their relationship. They keep saying "This will make or break us." Ummmmm I think that the race has a tendency to push people to their limits and make them a tad crazy. For example screaming at eachother to "get the fuck in the boat." "Stop pushing me!" "You're a psycho." Racing for a million bucks on little sleep around the entire world is not really a realistic counseling session. At least that's not how my shrink and I work through things.

Terrance and Sarah-I can't wait until Tina watches the show which is being Tivo'd for her, and realizes that she is dating a whiny gay man bitch. "Sarah. We are not here to make friends. Don't smile at them. Pay attention to ME!" In the monologues that Sarah has with the camera she can be caught defending his sensitivity. Yes, because he is mestruating Sarah. Dump him. I also believe Sarah is a member of MENSA (the smart people's club) because in every country, she can speak their language. And Terrance please remove your ridiculous bandana.

Kelly and Christy-The young divorcees. Combined, they make a grade two student look like a NASA employee. These women are so bitter. I believe their bitterness stems from the years their husbands spent banging their secretaries....oh wait...maybe they are the secretaries. It's funny because not only in tonights episode did they have to back track because they did not read the clue, but in previous episodes they have had to start over because they didn't read the clue. Their talent is being stupid and bitchy...way to go girls.

Andrew and Dan-The Jewish fraternity boys-What happened to the good ol' days of casting good looking frat boys?Being Jewish has nothing to do with their looks, I am just stating that they are jewish just so I could say the word schmuck which is commonly used in the Jewish community to describe someone as being stupid. Honestly, they suck at everything. I don't even know what to say. Why are they on there?

Nick and Starr-The Brother and sister that sleep together at pit stops. I am pretty sure that they have a "Donnie and Marie" brotherly and sisterly love happenin' there. I am sure Starr enjoys every "leg of the race"Ewwww...excuse me while I barf in my mouth. The second trip for two which they won in this evenings episode will be a great romantic getaway for the brother and sister.

Ty and Aja-Who? Exactly. The token black couple. Okay, to the producers of this show, you must understand that no couple will ever compare to the black couple of all black couples. No, not Oprah and Stedman but Uchenna and Joyce from a few seasons ago. She shaved her head people! For the love of her husband and to prove how strong she is. Every time they had their monologues on camera it was like Ghandi addressing the people. They were amazing! Ty and Aja are going to break up...it's obvious...they are long distance dating and I have a funny feeling that is secret for internet dating because there is no chemistry between them. This may actually be the first time they met. But according to my false prediction, the couple who came in last and were eliminated tonight, will be moving in together...good luck with that.

Tony and Dallas-The mother and son duo-My personal favourite. Although he looks like he's from a boy band, he is definitely the best. He's super nice and encouraging to his mom. I really don't have much to say about the woman. She's a trooper. Good for her.

Join me next week for a re-cap.

Smooches,
Nanners

Would you like some lipstick for your collagen...I mean lip

Have any of you ever seen the train wrecks that are on the reality t.v series Rock of Love starring Bret Michaels as the love interest? Oh. My. God. As much of a reality t.v junkie as I am, I was unable to follow it this season as my retina's could not absorb the hideous puffed up, trailer park rock n' roll, alcoholic meth addicts that vied for Brett's undying gonorrhea...I mean love.

Sweet merciful Jesus. I just happened to sit down and change the channel and there they were. What a vision. I wasn't sure at first if they were all on the verge of sneezing or really surprised by the looks on their face but after watching it for longer than 15 minutes I realized these silicone princesses were botoxed into this position.

The amount of collagen plus silicone combined from each contestant could actually help build a vessel to free Cubans and safely float them to the Miami shore.

What is the deal with these woman? Perhaps the casting call was in K Mart in the deep south? I don't know. I can't even begin to guess where they found these women. There truly is no witty explanation that I can come up with.

Ewwww. This just had to be stated as there is no one else in my apartment right now to share this with.

Ciao.

Oct 21, 2008

I'm really happy for you if you're sleeping.....

Actually, I am not happy for you if you are asleep, warm in your bed, as I have been awake for a couple hours. I am yet again, going to lose my mind from the lack of sleep I am getting....

I have decided to turn off a re-run of Survivor because frankly the cast is irritating...I really don't care about lions and who didn't pitch in to get water or who was slacking at the immunity challenge. In addition to this, the camera man keeps zooming in on people's bug bites, which is subsequently making me swallow my tongue everytime I see the gaping bloody lesions on their skin.

Prior to watching Survivor, I read about Florence Nightingale on the internet. That sounds completely random I know, but on my google homepage I have "This day in history..." as one of my saved items. For those of you who are interested, she was the pioneer of nursing in the late 1800's. I chose to have "This day in history..." so I would be able to come up with fillers at parties with useless random facts. I hate awkward silences. Actually, I guess I would make it more awkward by talking about Florence Nightingale but nonetheless, I am learning a lot. You would not believe what Peru went through a 100 years ago.

I am actually lying here in soaking wet sheets. No, I didn't have an accident. I drenched my bed in lavender spray about 5 minutes ago because apparently it's supposed to be calming. Calming my ass. I now have my fan on the highest level in an attempt to dry my sheets which are actually quite uncomfortable against my skin. Not to mention that my head is pounding from the aroma of lavender. I think I have also managed to burn my nasal cavity with all the chemicals I have just unleashed in my little crawl space I call my bedroom.

I have my realaxation cd on in the background with some douche bag telling me to "breathe 1,2,3 and squeeze 1,2,3." By squeezing, he is referring to my eyelids, my toes, all my extremities. It's called progressive muscle relaxation. This is not relaxing. I would like to be sleeping rather than squeezing. It also has great music in the background while this mother f'er is speaking...I believe I have heard the same music in funeral parlours and elevators all across the GTA. I think that I have heard enough.

One of my doctors told me to go out and get a white noise machine. Where the fuck do I get a white noise machine? That actually creeps me out. Isn't there a horror movie named White Noise? She also reccomended that I get a C.D with sounds of the rainforest. Yeah, 'cause the sound of monkeys, bugs, dripping water and elephants is EXACTLY what will put me to sleep. Why didn't I think of that?

Anyway, I am spitting angry and I am a little damp at the moment and I believe Law and Order is on Bravo.

Nighty Night.
Nanners

Oct 20, 2008

I am done

As of today, the internet is to be used soley for porn and hotmail, not internet dating.
I am spitting angry.

Oct 19, 2008

My love/hate relationship

So before I actually write about what is going on in my life as of recent, I must tell you that yesterday was the first time in a while that I have left my apartment and upon me entering the world... I was shit on by a bird. I actually thought someone threw a milkshake on my hand, coat and brand new pants. Birds are bastards but not quite as bastardly as some of the men I have recently met online.

As you may have guessed which avenue I am going down, it's the online dating one. All of my girlfriends who I have shared this information with think it's just fabulous. Nope. I hate it. However, that being said I have taken down and re-posted my profile twice this week out of sheer boredom/disgust/curiosity/my eggs are rotting/where am I going to meet someone normal to counteract all my abnormalities.

If you know me well, you know that I immediately fall into the friend zone with the male species. (Unless you count all 4 years of University when I was in my "prime" so to speak where each weekend started with a mouthful of coolers and ended with a "what is your name and why won't you leave?"

Recognizing that you are in the friend zone is quite painful. If I am unclear about what I mean about being in the friend zone let me give you a few examples:
1. He says "Nah, you can say that stuff around here...she's one of the guys."
2. He has no problems blatantly staring at another girls tits in front of you and remarking about how hot she is.
3. He tries to jersey you, but not in a playful flirtacious manner, he has simply forgot that you are a woman.
4. He slaps you on the back or high fives you instead of sticking his tongue down your throat.

Anyway, before I go any further, I need to apologize to my mom for this posting ie; for reminising about my promiscuity in University online...okay so falling into the friend zone makes it very difficult to find someone, so I thought "you know what Nanners...you are going to take some more chances" Now to give you a scope of what "taking chances" has entailed for the past little while,it has varied in degrees from getting out of bed in the morning to pondering if I should order chicken on my pizza. So online dating is a huge deal for me. Part of me failed to recognize that my fellow suitors may want to meet me in person so for now I am just electronically flirting in cyber space with pictures of people who may look exactly the opposite of their picture.

For those of you who have never hopped on a dating site, I urge you to do so now while the cesspool of weirdos is hot. You couldn't even begin to imagine the range of people I have encountered. Some people were fortunate enough to hit the genetic jackpot and others...ummmmm not so much.

The perk of online dating is that you can see who has looked at you...somedays I feel really flattered about the bachelors who have looked at me...almost good enough to shower, but for the most part I am fending off private message sessions with creepy old man douche bags that don't understand that I don't want to give them my number.

Well, I should go. I just googled "tingling sensation in left arm" and I may very well be having a heart attack. If I do manage to survive, I will keep you posted on my creepy online love affairs.

Oct 7, 2008

Joke of the day..

Did you hear about the Newfie Who thought nipples were Japanese children?

-I can say that 'cause I am part Newfie

Oct 6, 2008

Creepy Caller

As a single girl in the city, I enjoy getting men calling my cell phone. Now most of you who have my number will know that it is primarily off in recent months as I am scared of bill collectors, calls that someone has died, Blockbuster telling me that I now own Driving Miss Daisy and I am scared to hit answer when I really meant to hit ignore. No need to have an awkward conversation.

So getting messages can be kinda fun for me. I check them a couple times a day since we all know how busy I am. Well guaranteed, twice a year, I get a creepy message from my old boss.

I will provide you with a brief history as you may not know my extensive corporate work experience (yeah right.) I used to work as a skip tracer at a collections agency-essentially, I was an electronic bounty hunter to locate debtors and assholes all throughout Canada. So every day I would go in and put on my Maddona-esque headset and be ready to hit the call button. I worked in a team of two other people and then there was my boss.

I don't want to brag but I did make the most calls a day and did find the most people in Canada who just decided that paying bills wasn't their thing. So my boss seemed to take a liking to me.
Not only a liking to my work, but a liking to the "symmetry of my face" as he would say in front of my other co-workers. Symmetry of my face? He would follow that statement up by saying "Men are attracted to symmetry by nature and you have a very beautiful symmetrical face." ( I always thought to myself when he said that "wait till I take off my shirt, you won't think I am so symmetrical then, one boob is definitely much bigger than the other. Why don't you just stare at your balls in the mirror...they are somewhat circular aren't they?) Of course I would never have the nerve to say anything of the sort so I just sat there.
So I was wildly uncomfortable when he would look to my other female co-workers for their agreement. They would peer over their cubicles and say "Yeah uh... I guess her face is circular." So fucking awkward. Who says that?
1. Who says that period unless you are walking by a cracked out Janice Dickinson on the street and she yells " hey fatty, you have a very symmetrical face."
2. As a manager, who points out another co-workers attractiveness in front of other co workers? (Maybe at the company Christmas party but not in the middle of the open office.)
3. This is the kicker, we would actually have meetings to talk about how my other two colleagues should be more like me.That would be the basis of the meeting. If you think I am kidding, I swear on my mother's life. Not why they can't look like me, but why they can't hit my target. Neither of my co-workers would look at me during the meeting.

Eventually, I had to pull each one of them aside as their attitudes towards me began to change. I can't help it if I am circular. They should see me now...everything is circular...nothing to be proud of. Finding clothes for circular people ain't so fun.

I also had to have the awkward convo with Mr. Boss man to tell him to stop singling me out. And by the way, please stop calling me over to your desk to show me the picture of you as your screen saver when you were a body builder. I think it's gross that the vein in your wrist is bigger than your penis. And you hairstyle went out with high tops.

Anyway, got to love those creepy callers.

So, naturally as expected he calls me twice a year and leaves me messages as some sort of game to see if I still have his number. His creepy voicemail he left this Friday sounds something like this:
"Hey Amanda, It's Chris, I hope you remember me. I was the best boss. If you really like me then you would call me back."

Actually, right after the first time I realized you had my number (for emergency purposes only) I deleted your number. And immediately told my friend's father who ran the company, that he hit on me all the time. He didn't have a clue who he was.

That concludes my rant for the evening, I am back to watching CSI Miami (Which I hate) I am just waiting for the episode where Horatio dies, I could have swore I saw a commercial with blood coming out of his mouth.

Oct 3, 2008

Cop a feel Station

First of all, Union station smells like hot dogs, barf, and cheap perfume. Oh yeah and a hint of cinnamon. Yummy.
However, that is not the point of my story. Perhaps it is my generation or my morals that have developed in the past 2 years, but is dry humping against a wall in the middle of Union station cool? (Or in public for that matter.) If you want to dry hump at home go ahead...I'll be jealous, but go ahead.
Not only were there copious amounts of "clothing-on" sexual encounters taking place at the station the other day, but these little dry humpers were about 15 years old. I guess if I were a young dude I would be taking advantage of the little gr. 9 fashionistas who have breasts the size of my head. What the hell was in these little girls baby formulas? When my lady friends and I were growing up, our breasts were practically inverted. Sorry ladies, but it's true. We have spoken on this matter before and to be honest, most of us are wearing padding at the moment.
These 15 year old girls actually look like miniature Pamela Andersons, and in my books, I don't know if that is anything to aspire to.

Anyway, besides the dry humping I witnessed the other day, Union station is one of my favourite places to people watch.
I always try and sit close enough to the departure screen, but far enough so I don't turn into an information booth for lost travellers.
Throughout my experience of people watching, I have placed people into categories.
They are as follows:

1.) The frantic business man who comes barrelling into the station with his brief case and curses out loud and starts running for the train as he is aware that his wife is going to divorce him if he misses one more family dinner or misses little Jimmy's soccer game.

2.) The business man who saunters into the station and happily and calmly recognizes that yes, he has missed his train, but he would much rather eat McDonald's in the station than the left over pork roast that his wife made last night. He is in no rush to get home because he is still glowing from banging his secretary at lunch.

3.) The mother running through the station with 5 children in tow who looks up at the screen and realizes that there is no way they are going to catch the train, swears under her breath and then shoves junk food into the kids mouths to keep them quiet until the next train arrives.

4.) There is the other mother who is heavily dependant on pharmaceuticals, who is running through the station with 5 kids as well, realizes she has missed the train, and turns around to scream at the kids, tell them it's their fault, and they will not get any dinner when they arrive back to their trailer in Oshawa.

5.) Next we have miss size 2 executive who cannot walk in her Jimmy Choo stilettos, realizes that she still has 5 minutes to catch the train but there is no way that she is running to catch her train because the bitch can barely walk.

6.) Last but not least, there are people like me who believe that there is going to be some sort of catastrophic accident on the subway that requires me to leave my apartment an hour early so I get to the station in time to watch the above people.

That is all

Oct 2, 2008

My career in criminal justice.

Let's be honest, we are all creatures of habit...I believe that my t.v watching habit is quite possibly leading me down a path to pass the Bar exam, to be a police officer or at the very least become a part of a CSI unit. Let's take a look shall we:

7am-Third Watch: I learn how fast criminals can run, how dirty cops can be and how fast I need to be able to run in order to catch a criminal.

8am-Crossing Jordan: I learn that being a screwed up Medical Examiner should never mix business with pleasure and having a love affair with a cop really can effect your work

9am-The Sopranos-This show teaches me how to catch the Gangsters-now I am not talking about the "Bloods" or the "Cripts" I mean the old school Gangsters who will shoot you in the head for insulting their wife's lasagna. I think I would be able to track them down and know good hiding spots for example; the country. In addition to this I think I would also be able to run a sanitation company as well as a strip club. I have also learned that faking insanity doesn't get you off a trial.

10am-American Justice-Man Bill Curtis knows his shit. He has taught me a lot. I have learned a lot about creepy serial killers and how to catch them...sometimes DNA isn't enough. I'd like to give a shout out to all those detectives that are hardworking and now divorced because they spent all their time hunting the killers.

11am-IR-Cold Case Files-The show has taught me the reality that some cases go cold because not enough DNA. I have learned a lot about semen.

12pm-I usually eat, slip in and out of consciousness

1pm-Law & Order-Classic-The first half hour you get the detectives hunting down the suspects and throwing them up against the wall in the interrogation room. (I don't think that I would be good at throwing people on the wall, but that's okay...my good looking partner who I have sex with will do that) Then, to make the show even better- the second half hour you have the lawyers and the trials. I think I would be good at making deals and tricking people and screaming "I OBJECT."

2pm-Without a Trace-Has taught me a lot about the inner workings of the FBI and how to find missing people. I think that I would be able to find people really well actually. Plus on the side have an affair with a steamy co-worker. Technically, I just want to wear a jacket that says "FBI" there is something about being federal that makes you cool.

3pm- I am usually surfing the net, wishing I was someone else, debating whether or not to go check out the corner store to see if they have any fancy sales from panty hose to chocolate bars. There are a plethora of options to choose from. They also have some hard core smut behind the counter and I always squint to see the titles and I have to admit, I am so tempted to buy one of those videos but I could never show my face in there again. I would be the pervert that buys milk, bread and porn. No thanks.

I am not going to get into my evening t.v watching as this is actually embarassing and I have no idea why I am sharing this with you....it was just a thought while I was watching t.v.

Anyway, I must go as "The First 48" is on- the first 48 hours of a crime are very important as you are more likely to catch your suspect, gather leads and talk to witnesses if everyone co-operates.

Night.